Trigger

The other day I was talking on the phone to one of my ex-wives. All right, I heard that. You can stop chuckling and listen up for a second, OK? We were talking about how both of us have changed over the years. At first it was an awkward conversation because she was playing a Sheryl Crowe CD in the background. The song blaring away was “You were my favorite mistake.” I’m not sure if she did that intentionally, but it did have me on my heels for a second. We were married young and the marriage lasted all of seven years. The woman on the phone wasn’t the woman that I had fallen in love with as a young man, but then she was 57 seven years old so what did I expect? People change over time, everyone that is except me. We were having a very nice conversation surprisingly for a pair of X’s when she brought up the subject of politics and asked me my opinion of Sarah Palin. WHOA! Within seconds a full scale argument broke out, she wishing to lynch Ms. Palin and I, the conservative Independent, defending the lady from Alaska. The conversation was quite heated between two people that were BOTH registered as INDEPENDENTS! When the smoke had finally settled and I did what men the world over always do, “admitted how wrong I was, “we sat back and went “Wow,” what was that all about? What had happened was she had “Triggered” a response in me and I in return had triggered a response in her that lead to a full scale argument about that which we’re still not even sure of. Fortunately, the conversation ended on a pleasant note and we both committed to never ever discussing politics again. I believe that’s the 19th item we’ve added to our ever expanding list.

So, what the hell happened? How did a perfectly pleasant conversation do a 360 so fast? Obviously she said something to me that “Hit my switch.”Let’s talk about what I call a “Trigger.” Of course I’m not talking about Roy’s horse and for those born after 1980 Google Roy Rogers and you’ll figure it out. I remember getting off the phone and feeling very unsettled about what had transpired. I consider myself smart, well read and certainly in touch with my feminine side, albeit “Conservative” feminine side. Within seconds of her commenting negatively on Ms. Palin I was bug eyed, yelling and drooling out of the side of my mouth. Gee whiz, that’s not very intellectual. I’ll bet Plato never did that! I started to focus on the things in my life that “Trigger” my bad behavior and I vowed I was going to work on it. Let’s face it, we all like to be in control and I was on “Nut Control” when she hit my trigger. So I started to look around and by golly, there were several “Triggers” that I had to own up to.

Let’s see if any of these sound familiar. There’s the individual in a car that either cuts you off, turns in front of you, or slowly, but surely ventures into your lane all while happily talking on their cell phone. Why it happened to me just last night. I had the green arrow and this guy still turned in front of me and swerved into my lane. I honked my horn and did the bug eyed drooling thing. Now do you suppose he said to himself, “Gee, that’s Bill and I was discourteous to him and from now on I’m going to commit myself to being a more thoughtful, courteous driver.” Of course he didn’t. He didn’t think anything because people that do things like that never think to begin with! So what was I thinking? YES, of course, you’re right! I wasn’t thinking either, just reacting and drooling and raising my blood pressure. How about this? The long line at the post office. You’ve got a package that you’re mailing to Guatemala and you would need at least two semesters of “Postal Automation” to be able to use their EASY to use automated postal machine, so you wait in line. There are at least fifteen other people with packages also going to somewhere in South America, each of them ashamed they can’t use the automated machine either and we're all at the mercy of the two completely bored postal employees both of whom look suspiciously like they’re from South America to begin with. Finally a customer finishes and what happens? Yes, the guy or gal walks away from their window and goes in back. It’s “Trigger” time and again, a golden Palomino isn’t about to show up. I and at least three others start getting bug eyed and drooling from the mouth. Now I ask you, do you think anybody care’s? Do you suppose there’s someone on the cameras working for the Postal Department going, “Hey look, it’s Bill and he’s getting up-set. We better get someone down there fast!” Ya right and “Pigs Fly.” No, all that’s occurred is I’ve jumped out of gear, raised my blood pressure, lowered my life expectancy and became a story later on about, “You should have seen this one guy in line, boy was he pissed!” I could go on as I must confess to having a kind of “Trigger Club” of which I’m president, but I’d just be belaboring the point. I just know that it’s not something I like about myself and I’m determined to eradicate it from my other-wise witty, glowing Irish persona.

The first thing one has to do to combat this is to obviously be aware you’re doing it in the first place and note the times that you fall into the trap. When I react to something now, like a non attentive driver the first thing I do is take the finger I used to use to salute him with and I tap my forehead with it and say ”Stop it.” The next thing I do is start focusing on something pleasant and then begin taking gentle, deep breaths. Finally, the following day when I make quiet time for myself I have a brief review of the incident and ask myself whether I could have handled the situation differently. I ask myself on a scale of one to ten just how serious the incident was. I think I ranked one the other day a monstrous two. I also ask myself whether what happened the previous day had any impact on my current day. Usually the only impact it had is my embarrassment at how I responded and the knowledge that at times I’m not in control. Finally, I read and continually try to educate and mold the human named Bill in the hope that someday he will indeed be someone I can be proud of. The fact I’m working on this is proof that immersing myself in personal development is working, slowly, but working nonetheless. Now I think I’ll go for a drive, G’Day.